AAC Alter All Commands

AAD Alter All Data

AAO Add And Overflow

AAR Alter At Random

AB Add Backwards

ABR Add Beyond Range

ACQT Advance Clock to Quitting Time

ADB Another Damn Bug [UNIX]

AFF Add Fudge Factor

AFHB Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary

AFP Abnormalized Floating Point

AFVC Add Finagle's Variable Constant

AGB Add GarBage

AI Add Improper

AIB Attack Innocent Bystander

AMM Answer My Mail

AOI Annoy Operator Immediate

AR Alter Reality

ARN Add and Reset to Non-zero

ARZ Add and Reset to Zero

AS Add Sideways

AT Accumulate Trivia

AWP Argue With Programmer

AWTT Assemble With Tinker Toys

BAC Branch to Alpha Centauri

BAF Blow All Fuses

BAH Branch And Hang

BALC Branch And Link Cheeseburger

BAW Bells And Whistles

BB Branch on Bug

BBBB Byte Baudy Bit and Branch

BBI Branch on Burned-out Indicator

BBL Branch on Burned-out Lamp

BBLB Branch on Blinking Light Bulb

BCB Burp and Clear Bytes

BCF Branch on Chip box Full

BCIL Branch Creating Infinite Loop

BCR Backspace Card Reader

BCU Be Cruel and Unusual

BD Backspace Disk

BD Branch to Data

BDC Break Down and Cry

BDM Branch and Disconnect Memory

BDT Burn Data Tree [next opcode after decorate data tree]

BE Branch Everywhere [As in HHGttG's Infinite Improbability Computer]

BF Belch Fire

BH Branch and Hang

BLC Branch and Loop Continuous

BLI branch and loop infinite

BLM Branch, Like, Maybe

BLMWM Branch, Like, Maybe, wow, Man

BLP Boot from Line Printer

BLR Branch and Lose Return

BM Branch Maybe

BMI Branch on Missing Index

BMP Branch and Make Popcorn

BNA Branch to Nonexistent Address

BNR Branch for No Reason

BOD Branch on Operator Desperate

BOOP Boot Operator

BYOP Byte Operator

BPB Branch on Program Bug

BPD Branch on Programmer Debugging

BPIM Bury Programmer In Manuals

BPO Branch on Power Off

BR Byte and Run

BRA Branch to Random Address

BRI BRanch Indefinitely

BRL BRanch and Leak

BRO BRanch to Oblivion

BRT BRanch on Tuesdays

BSC Burst Selector Channel

BSI Backup Sewer Immediate

BSM Branch and Scramble Memory

BSO Branch on Sleepy Operator

BSST BackSpace and Stretch Tape

BTD Byte The Dust

BTJ Branch and Turn Japanese

BTO Branch To Oblivion

BW Branch on Whim

BWABL Bells, Whistles and Blinking Lights

BWOP BeWilder Operator

CAF Convert Ascii to Farsic

CAI Corrupt Accounting Information

CAIL Crash After I Leave

CAT Confused And Tired [UNIX]

CBA Compare and Branch Anyway

CBNC Close, But No Cigar

CBS Clobber BootStrap

CC Call Calvary

CC Crappy Control [UNIX]

CCB Chocolate Chip Byte-mode

CCB Consult Crystal Ball

CCCI Clear Condition-Codes Indefinitely

CCD Choke, Cough and Die

CCD Clear Current Directory [this may really exist!]

CCD Clear Core and Dump

CCR Change Channels Random

CCS Chinese Character Set

CCWR Change Color of Write Ring

CDR Complement Disk Randomly

CFS Corrupt File Structure

CG Convert to Garbage

CH Create Havoc

CHAPMR CHAse Pointers around Machine Room

CIB Change Important Byte

CIMM Create Imaginary Memory Map

CM Circulate Memory

CMD Compare Meaningless Data

CMD CPU Melt Down

CMI Clobber Monitor Immediately

CML Compute Meaning of Life

CMP Create Memory Prosthesis

CMS Click MicroSwitch

CN Compare Nonsensically

CNB Cause Nervous Breakdown

COLB Crash for Operator's Lunch Break

COMF COMe From

COS Copy Object Code to Source File

COWHU Come Out With your Hands Up

CP%FKM CPU - Flakeout mode

CP%WM CPU - Weird Mode

CPB Create Program Bug

CPR Compliment PRogrammer("Aren't you cute!")

CRASH Continue Running After Stop or Halt

CRM Clear Random Memory

CRN convert to Roman numerals

CRYPT reCuRsive encrYPt Tape mnemonic [UNIX]

CS Crash System

CSL Curse and Swear Loudly

CSN Call Supervisor Names

CSNIO Crash System on Next I/O

CSU Call Self Unconditional [the ultimate in recursive programming]

CSYS Crash SYStem

CTDMR Change Tape Density, Mid Record

CUC Cheat Until Caught

CVFL Convert Floating to Logical

CVFP ConVert FORTRAN to PASCAL

CVG ConVert to Garbage

CWAH Create Woman And Hold

CWDC Cut Wires and Drop Cores

DA Develop Amnesia

DAO divide and overflow

DAP De-select Active Peripheral

DAUF Delete All Useless Files [would YOU trust a computer that far?]

DBL Desegregate Bus Lines

DBR Debase Register

DBZ Divide By Zero

DC Degauss Core

DC Divide and Conquer

DCAD Dump Core And Die

DCD Drop Cards Double

DCGC Dump Confusing Garbage to Console

DCI Disk Crash Immediate

DCON Disable CONsole

DCT Drop Cards Triple

DCWPDGD Drink Coffee, Write Program, Debug, Get Drunk

DD Destroy Disk

DDC Dally During Calculations

DDOA Drop Dead On Answer

DDS Delaminate Disk Surface

DEB Disk Eject Both

DEC Decompile Executable Code

DEI Disk Eject Immediate

DEM Disk Eject Memory

DES Disk Eject Swapped

DHTPL Disk Head Three Point Landing

DIA Develop Ineffective Address

DIE DIsable Everyting (UN?X during hardware errors? :-))

DIIL Disable Interrupts and enter Infinite Loop

DIRFW Do It Right For Once

DISC DISmount CPU

DK Destroy Klingons

DK%WMM Disk Unit - Washing Machine Mode

DKP Disavow Knowledge of Programmer

DLN Don't Look Now...

DLP Drain Literal Pool

DMPE Decide to Major in Physical Education

DMPK Destroy Memory Protect Key

DO Divide and Overflow

DOC Drive Operator Crazy

DPC Decrement Program Counter

DPK Destroy storage Protect Key

DPMI Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent

DPR Destroy Program

DPS Disable Power Supply

DRAF DRAw Flowchart

DRI Disable Random Interrupt

DRT Disconnect Random Terminal

DS Deadlock System

DSH Destroy Sector Header

DSI Do Something Interesting

DSPK Destroy Storage Protect Key

DSR Detonate Status register

DSTD Do Something Totally Different

DSUIT Do Something Utterly, Indescribably Terrible

DT%FFP DecTape - Unload and Flappa-Flap

DT%SHO DecTape - Spin Hubs Opposite

DTC Destroy This Command

DTI Do The Impossible

DTRT Do The Right Thing

DTVFL Destroy Third Variable From Left

DU Dump User

DUD Do Until Dead

DW Destroy Work

DW Destroy World

DWIM Do What I Mean

DWIT Do What I'm Thinking

EAL Enable AC to Logic rack

EAO Enable AC to Operator

EBRS Emit Burnt Resistor Smell

EC Eject Carriage

ECL Early Care Lace

ECO Electrocute Computer Operator

ECP Erase Card Punch

ED Eject Disk

ED Execute Data

ED Expunge Data [UNIX]

ED Eject Disk

EDD Eat Disk and Die

EDIT Erase Data and Increment Time

EDR Execute Destructive Read

EDS Execute Data Segment

EEP Erase Entire Program

EFD Eject Floppy Disk

EIAO Execute In Any Order

EIO Erase I/O page

EIOC Execute Invalid OP Code

EJD d,v Eject disk in drive d with initial velocity v

EJD%V EJect Disk with initial velocity V

ELP Enter Loop Permanently

EM Evacuate Memory

EMSL Entire Memory Shift Left

EMT Electrocute Maintenance Technician

ENA ENable Anything

ENF Emit Noxious Fumes

EO Electrocute Operator

EOB Execute Operator and Branch

EOI Execute Operator Immediate [a fast version of another instruction]

EP Execute Programmer

EPI Execute Programmer Immediate

EPP Eject Printer Paper

EPS Electrostatic Print and Smear

EPS Execute Program Sideways

EPT Erase Process Table

EPT Erase Punched Tape

ERIC Eject Random Integrated Circuit

ERM Erase Reserved Memory

EROM Erase Read Only Memory

EROS Erase Read Only Storage [Sounds like an IBM special!]

ERS erase read-only storage

ESB Eject Selectric Ball [from IBM selectric typewriter terminals]

ESL Exceed Speed of Light

ESP Enable SPrinkler system

ETI Execute This Instruction [for recursive programs]

ETM Emulate Trinary Machine

EVC Execute Verbal Commands

EWD Execute Warp Drive

EXX [A real instruction on the Zilog Z-80 -- Zilog is owned by EXXon]

FB Find Bugs

FCJ Feed Card and Jam

FDR Fill Disk Randomly

FFF Form Feed Forever

FLD FLing Disc

FLI Flash Lights Impressively

FM Forget Memory

FMP Finish My Program

FOPC [Set] False Out-of-paper Condition

FPC Feed Paper Continuously

FPT Fire Photon Torpedoes

FRG Fill with Random Garbage

FSM Fold, Spindle, and Mutilate

FSRA Forms Skip and Run Away

GBB Go to Back of Bus

GCAR Get Correct Answer Regardless

GDP Grin Defiantly at Programmer

GDR Grab Degree and Run

GENT GENerate Thesis

GEW{JO} Go to the End of the World {Jump Off}

GIE Generate Irreversible Error

GLC Generate Lewd Comment

GMC Generate Machine Check

GMCC Generate Machine Check and Cash

GND Guess at Next Digit

GORS GO Real Slow

GREM Generate Random Error Message

GREP Global Ruin, Expiration and Purgation [UNIX]

GRMC Generate Rubber Machine Check

GS Get Strange [randomly inverts bits fed to the instruction decoder]

GSB Gulp and Store Bytes

GSI Generate Spurious Interrupts

GSU Geometric Shift Up

HAH Halt And Hang

HCF Halt and Catch Fire

HCP Hide Central Processor [makes virtual CPU's act like virtual memories]

HCRS Hang in Critical Section

HDO Halt and Disable Operator

HDRW Halt and Display Random Word

HELP Type "No help available"

HF Hide a File

HGD Halt, Get Drunk

HHB Halt and Hang Bus

HIS Halt in Impossible State

HOO Hide Operator's Output

HRPR Hang up and Ruin Printer Ribbon

HUAL Halt Until After Lunch

IAND Illogical And

IBR Insert Bugs at Random

ICB Interrupt, crash and burn

ICM Immerse Central Memory

ICMD Initiate Core Melt-Down

ICSP Invert CRT Screen Picture

IDC Initiate Destruct Command

IDI Invoke Divine Intervention

IDPS Ignore Disk Protect Switch

IEOF Ignore End Of File

IF Invoke Force

IGI Increment Grade Immediately

IGIT Increment Grade Immediately Twice

II Inquire and Ignore

IIB Ignore Inquiry and Branch

IIB Ignore Interrupt and Branch

IIC Insert Invisible Characters

IIL Irreversable Infinite Loop

IM Imagine Memory

IMPG IMPress Girlfriend

INCAM INCrement Arbitrary Memory location

INOP Indirect No-op

IOI Ignore Operator's Instruction

IOP Interrupt processor, Order Pizza

IOR Illogical OR

IP Increment and Pray

IPS Incinerate Power Supply

IPS Increment Processor Status

IPT Ignite Paper Tape

IRB Invert Record and Branch

IRC Insert Random Commands

IRE Insert Random Errors

IRPF Infinite Recursive Page Fault

ISC Ignore Supervisor Calls

ISC Insert Sarcastic Comments

ISI Increment and Skip on Infinity

ISP Increment and Skip on Pi

ITML Initiate Termites into Macro Library

IU Ignore User

JAA Jump Almost Always

JFM Jump on Full Moon

JHRB Jump to H&R Block

JLP Jump and Lose Pointer

JMAT JuMp on Alternate Thursdays

JNL Jump when programmer is Not Looking

JOM Jump Over Moon

JRAN Jump RANdom [not to be confused with IRAN - Idiots random]

JRCF Jump Relative and Catch Fire

JRGA Jump Relative and Get Arrested

JRN Jump RaNdom

JRSR Jump to Random Subroutine

JSU Jump Self Unconditional [the ultimate in iterative programming]

JT Jump if Tuesday

JTZ Jump to Twilight Zone

JWN Jump When Necessary

KUD Kill User's data

LAGW Load And Go Wrong

LAP Laugh At Program(mer)

LCC Load and Clear Core

LCD Load and Clear Disk

LCK Lock Console Keyswitch

LEB Link Edit Backwards

LIA Load Ineffective Address

LMB Lose Message and Branch

LMO Load and Mug Operator

LMYB Logical MaYBe

LN Lose inode Number [UNIX]

LOSM Log Off System Manager

LP%PAS Line Printer - Print And Smear

LP%RDD Line Printer - Reverse Drum Direction

LP%TCR Line Printer - Tangle and Chew Ribbon

LPA Lead Programmer Astray

LRD Load Random Data

LSBL Lose Super BLock [UNIX only]

LUM LUbricate Memory

LWM Load Write-only Memory

MAB Melt Address Bus

MAN Make Animal Noises

MAZ Multiply Answer by Zero

MBC Make Batch Confetti

MBH Memory Bank Hold-up

MBTD Mount Beatles on Tape Drive

MBTOL Move Bugs to Operator's Lunch

MC Move Continuous

MD Move Devious

MDB Move and Drop Bits

MDDHAF Make Disk Drive Hop Across Floor [Stevans's favorite (he made it up)]

MLP Multiply and Lose Precision

MLR Memory Left Shift and Branch

MLR Move and Lose Record

MLSB Memory Left Shift and Branch

MMLG Make Me Look Good

MNI Misread Next Instruction

MOP Modify Operator's Personality

MOU MOunt User [causes computer to screw you once again]

MPLP Make Pretty Light Pattern

MSGD Make Screen Go Dim

MSIP Make Sure Plugged In

MSR Melt Special Register

MT%HRDV MagTape - High speed Rewind and Drop Vacuum

MTI Make Tape Invalid

MW Malfunction Whenever

MWC Move and Wrap Core

MWK multiply work

MWT Malfunction Without Telling

NTGH Not Tonight, I've Got a Headache

OCF Open Circular File

OML Obey Murphy's Laws

OPP Order Pizza for Programmer

OSI Overflow Stack Indefinitely

OTL Out To Lunch

PAS Print And Smear

PAUD PAUse Dramatically

PAZ Pack Alpha Zone

PBC Print and Break Chain

PBD Print and Break Drum

PBM Pop Bubble Memory

PBPBPBP Place Backup in Plain Brown Paper Bag, Please [for stealing code]

PBST Play Batch mode Star Trek

PCI Pleat Cards Immediate

PCR Print and Cut Ribbon

PD Punch Disk

PEHC Punch Extra Holes in Cards

PFE Print Floating Eye [Roguers look out!]

PFML Print Four Million Lines

PI Punch Invalid

PIBM Pretend to be an IBM

PIC Print Illegible Characters

PIC Punch Invalid Character

PNRP Print Nasty replies to Programmer

PO Punch Operator

POFF Power Off

PON Power On

POPN Punch OPerator's Nose

PPA Print Paper Airplanes

PPL Perform Perpetual Loop

PPP Print Programmer's Picture

PPSW Pack Program Status Word

PRS Print And Smear

PSP Print and Shred Paper

PSR Print and Shred Ribbon

QWA Quit While Ahead

RA Randomize Answer

RAM Reorganize and Abort Monitor

RASC Read And Shred Card

RAST Read and Shred Tape

RAST Rewind And Stretch Tape

RAU Ridicule All Users

RBA Random Branch Anywhere

RBAO Ring Bell and Annoy Operator

RBG Random Bug Generate

RBLY Restore Backup from Last Year

RBT Read and Break Tape

RBT Read Blank Tape

RBT Rewind and Break Tape

RCAJ Read Card And Jam

RCB Read Commands Backwards

RCB Run Clock Backwards

RCC Read Card and Chew

RCCP Randomly Corrupt Current Process

RCF Rewind Cabinet Fans

RCKG Read Count Key and Garbage

RCR Rewind Card Reader

RCRV Randomly Convert to Reverse Video

RCSD Read Card and Scramble Data

RD Randomize Data

RDA Refuse to Disclose Answer

RDD Reverse Disk Drive

RDF Randomize Directory Filenames

RDI Reverse Disk Immediate

RENVR Rename Variables Randomly

RET Read and Erase Tape

RIC Rotate Illogical thru Carry

RID Read Invalid Data

RIR Read Invalid Record

RIRG Read Inter-Record Gap

RIRG Rewrite Inter-Record Gap [random replacement of similar mnemonic]

RLC Re-read last card

RLC Relocate and Lose Core

RLI Rotate Left Indefinitely

RLP Refill Light Pen

RLP Rewind Line Printer

RM Ruin My files [UNIX]

RMI Randomize Memory Immediate

RMV Remove Memory Virtues

RN Read Noise

RNBS Reflect Next Bus Signal

RNR Read Noise Record

ROD ROtate Diagonally

ROM Read Operator's Mind

ROOP Run Out Of Paper

ROPF Read Other People's Files

ROS Reject Op System

ROS Return On Shield

ROT Rotate Disk [fixes broken drives]

RP Read Printer

RPB Raise Parity Bits

RPBR Reverse Parity and BRanch

RPC Randomize Program Counter

RPM Read Programmer's Mind

RPU Read character and Print Upside down

RRB Read Record and Blush

RRC Rotate Random thru Carry

RRR Read Record and Run away

RRRL Random Rotate Register Left

RRSG Round and Round She Goes...

RRSGWSSNK Round and Round She Goes, Where She Stops, Nobody Knows

RRT record and rip tape

RS Random Slew

RSD Read and Scramble Data

RST Rewind and Stretch Tape

RT Reduce Throughput

RT Reverse Throughput

RTS Return To Sender

RWD rewind disk

RWS Return With Shield

SAD Seek And Destroy

SAI Skip All Instructions

SAS Sit And Spin

SC Scramble Channels

SC Shred Cards

SCB Spindle Card and Belch

SCCA Short Circuit on Correct Answer

SCH Slit Cards Horizontal

SCI Shred Cards Immediate

SCOM Set Cobol-Only Mode

SCRRC SCRamble Register Contents

SCST Switch Channel to Star Trek

SCTR Stick Card To Reader

SD Scramble Directory

SD Slip Disk

SDC Spool Disk to Console

SDDB Snap Disk Drive Belt

SDE Solve Differential Equations

SDI Self Destruct Immediately

SEB Stop Eating and Burp

SEX Set EXecution register [a real instruction for the RCA 1802]

SEX Sign EXtend

SFH Set Flags to Half mast

SFT Stall For Time

SFTT Strip Form Tractor Teeth

SHB Stop and Hang Bus

SHCD SHuffle Card Deck

SHIT Stop Here If Thursday

SHON Simulate HONeywell CPU [permanent NO-OP]

SHRC SHRed Card

SHRT SHRed Tape

SID Switch to Infinite Density

SLP Sharpen Light Pencil

SMC Scramble memory contents

SMD Spontaneous Memory Dump (Use only with classified data)

SMS Shred Mylar Surface

SMT Stretch MagTape

SNM Show No Mercy

SOAWP SOlve All the World's Problems

SOB [a real PDP-11 instruction]

SOD Surrender Or Die!

SOP Stop and Order Pizza

SOS Sign Off, Stupid

SP Scatter Print

SPA Sliding Point Arithmetic

SPS Smoke Power Supply

SPSW Scramble Program Status Word

SRBO Set Random Bits to Ones

SRBZ Set Random Bits to Zeroes

SRC Skip to Random Channel

SRCC Select Reader and Chew Cards

SRD Switch to Random Density

SRDR Shift Right, Double Ridiculous

SRO Sort with Random Ordering

SRR Set Registers to Random values [usually used prior to a RET or RTS]

SRR Shift Registers Random

SRSD Seek Record and Scratch Disk

SRU Signoff Random User

SRZ Subtract and Reset to Zero

SSB Scramble Status Byte

SSD Seek and Score Disk [good for testing]

SSD Stacker Select Disk

SSJ Select Stacker and Jam

SSJP Select Stacker and Jump

SSM Solve by Supernatural Means

SSM Stacker Select Memory

SSP Smoke and SPark

SSP Seek SPindle

SST Stop and Stretch Tape

ST Set and Test

STD Stop, take drugs

STPR SToP Rain

STTHB Set Terminal to Three Hundred Baud

SUI Subtract User's IQ

SUME Surprise Me

SUP Solve Unsolvable Problem

SUR Screw Up Royally

SUS Stop Until Spring

SUS Subract Until Senseless

SWAT SWAp Terminals

SWN SWap Nibbles

SWOS SWap out Operating System

SWS Sort to Wrong Slots

SWT Select Wrong Terminal

SZD Switch to Zero Density

TARC Take Arithmatic Review Course

TBFTG Two Burgers and Fries To Go

TDB Transfer and Drop Bits

TDS Trash Data Segment

TLNF Teach me a Lesson I'll Never Forget

TLO Turn indicator Lights Off

TLW Transfer and Lose Way

TN Take a Nap

TOG Time Out, Graduate

TOH Take Operator Hostage

TOO Turn On/Off operator

TOS Trash Operating System

TPD Triple Pack Decimal

TPDH Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Her self

TPN Turn Power On

TPO Turn Power Off

TPR Tear PapeR

TR Turn into Rubbish [UNIX]

TRA Te Rdls Arvs [Type Ridiculous Abbreviations]

TSH Trap Secretary and Halt

TSM Trap Secretary and Mount

TST Trash System Tracks

TT%CNK TeleType - Clunk Noise

TT%EKB TeleType - Electrify KeyBoard

TTA Try, Try Again

TTITT Turn 2400 foot tape Into Two 1200 foot tapes

TTL Time To Log off

UAI Use Alternate Instruction set

UCB Uncouple Communication lines and Break

UCK Unlock Console Keyswitch

UCPUB Uncouple CPU and Branch

UDR Update and Delete Record

UMR Unlock Machine Room

UOP Useless Operation

UP Understand Program

UTF Unwind Tape onto Floor

UUBR Use Undefined Base Register

VAX Violate All executions

VFE Violate Field Engineer

VFO Violate Female Operator

VMA Violate Maintenance Agreement

VNO Violate Noise Ordinance

VPA Vanishing Point Arithmetic

VVM Vaporise Virtual Memory

WAD Walk Away in Disgust

WC Waste Core [UNIX]

WCR Write to Card Reader

WED write and erase data

WGPB Write Garbage in Process-control Block

WHP Wave Hands over Problem

WI Why Immediate

WID Write Invalid Data

WNHR Write New Hit Record

WNR Write Noise Record

WPET Write Past End of Tape

WSE Write Stack Everywhere

WSWW Work in Strange and Wonderous Ways

WUPO Wad Up Printer Output

WWLR Write Wrong Length Record

WWR Write Wrong Record

XIO Execute Invalid Op code

XKF Execute Kermit the Frog

XMB Exclusive MayBe

XOH Execute no-Op and Hang

XOR Execute OperatoR

XOS Exchange Operator's Sex

XPR Execute Programmer

XVF Exchange Virtue for Fun

YKWIM You Know What I Mean

ZAP Zero and Add Packed

ZD Zap Directory

ZPI ZaP Immediate

Back to humor page.

Bryan Dunlap / Physics Dept. / The Ohio State University